In the former article, I tackled the issue of the storms that strike man’s life like fear of failure or fear of others that prevents a person from dealing with other people positively. There is another sort of storms that blow fiercely in man’s life which is “lack of confidence” that destroys man’s energy on negative matters that bring him only pain. Lack of self confidence is the basic approach of other negative emotions like envy, affliction and confusion that make man prone to stress and anxiety in addition to acting unwisely in different situations. Man should know reasons of his lack of confidence and fix them. He has to build his internal confidence.
Comparison is the reason of lack of self –confidence especially with children. Parents’ comparison of their children with others results at a deep feeling of lack of self-confidence. Children grow up with an internal sense that they are not the best and there are many other people who are better than them. Comparing people with each other is unfair as you can’t know all the details of someone. There must be unknown details about him that can’t be noticed by people and if they become known, they may be intolerable. Holding comparison is unfair to you and others too as you compare your weak points with the others’ strength points or vice versa. You may be unaware of their merits and in return you see only their demerits without discovering yours. As a result, you become busy with matters that steal your energy, time and effort in unconstructive matters. Thus stay away from comparing yourself with others. God creates us to be distinctive. Adopt the positive vision of gaining the good merits of others and staying away from the negative demerits.
At the same time try to take the steps to build your self-confidence not out of your job, status, age but your lifestyle. Here are some ideas, First: determine your talents, know your abilities and realize your demerits and never deny them thus you will be able to change them. If you need, counsel a trusted person. Second: Train yourself to finish your tasks from the easiest to the hardest thus you build your trust in your achievement and raise your morale to do more work especially the more difficult ones as success leads only to more success. Third: put your touch on your work and be distinctive. It will help you to work hard and patiently to achieve the image you want your work to be like. I like these words “My mother said to me, ‘If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.’ Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.”Fourth: don’t be moved by criticism, but rather listen to it carefully and think how real it is. If it is real, use it as a guide to change your personality, and if not let it aside and never put your effort into proving it as or it will distract you from achieving you own real goals.
Building trust may need much time and effort, but it is worthy as it leads you to success .Remember that: self-confidence comes out of our faith in God-Glory be to His Name- who gifted each one of us with his own unique abilities and talents to achieve success in his life.
Anba Ermiah,
General Bishop& President of the Coptic Orthodox Cultural Center
