The writer and the poet, Gibran Khalil Gibran, said that misunderstanding is what hurts sensitive souls. In fact, misunderstanding between others leads to many problems like personal conflicts that aggravate and result in estrangement between people and decrease productivity. What helps a person overcome many personal or professional difficulties is his understanding of others. Stephen R. Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” which means the end relationships. To understand what others want to say, you should listen carefully to what they say not to answer them and present your argument; but to deeply reflect on what they want to say. As listening with the intent of answering or criticizing others equals misunderstanding .As a result, many conflicts and arguments arise and each part would only care to achieve victory supporting his argument. While, the truth is, they are both defeated as they didn’t find a mutual base to lean on due to misunderstanding of each other. We should also realize that when we feel that others are against us, we would unconsciously take a defensive stance and will stop trying to understand them at all.
Moreover, not all people have the talent of expressing their emotions and ideas as it differs in degrees from a person to another. Some know how to choose their words with care, while others can’t. As they say any conversation is liable to misunderstanding even silence can be misunderstood. Thus, try to read between lines what the speaker wants to say and help him to convey his idea through questions or repeating what he has said using your own words. That would help make the other feels that he is understood and that would enhance understanding between both of you.
Here are some notes:
• If you feel that the speaker’s ideas are a bit ambiguous, don’t hesitate to ask him questions to remove this ambiguity.
• Check the correctness of the ideas you understand of someone’s speech as you may be missing other ideas; this will make you evade problems arising out of misunderstanding.
• Be patient while listening to others, don’t haste to judge the speaker’s expressions or points. As they say, “Speaking is an art, make listening an art too”. Listening to others give you a chance to understand what they want to say.
• Remember that sometimes it is hard to express your thoughts or emotions in words.
Relating to someone doesn’t mean you understand him completely. Some do unexplainable actions due to stressful circumstances you know nothing about. Thus, don’t judge quickly without understanding the reasons of someone’s actions. Man’s turmoil lays in his desire to understand matters as he wants not as how they really are; thus they can’t understand others. This is why most people are living on disconnected islands trying desperately to connect with others and make people understand them.
General Bishop
Head of the Coptic Orthodox Cultural Center
